grateful amazement

finding wonder…everywhere.

The Journey

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{these words on this day}

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RELAX :: a blog series :: wrap up

relax final
{Every Tuesday as 2015 ended, we met here to pull apart the word RELAX. We’ve leaned into it. We’ve learned ways we can really practice it. And it turns out that the hectic holidays were the perfect place to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it. I’m beyond grateful you’ve been here…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds. What say we put a bow on it today?}

It’s been six weeks since since I shared an acrostic for the word RELAX with you.
Remember how it was God’s middle-of-the-night answer to me when a wayward but excited Yes locked me into a speaking engagement for which I had no topic idea?
Here it is again, in the interest of bringing this baby full circle:

Release
Embrace
Laugh
Adjust
eXhale

Remember how we looked at what it means to RELEASE so that we can EMBRACE while we LAUGH at ourselves and ADJUST to this crazy thing called Life in order to breathe deep and EXHALE? (See what I did there? *wink)

Remember how we learned that every last bit of this is a practice?
That it’s not a Do It All Right All Of The Time thing?
That we can and should shower ourselves with grace and kindness when we stumble or falter or (gasp!) forget.

Remember how I said that when we’re able to practice each of those things, we have a better chance of living a more soul-full, RELAXed life?
It’s truer than true that RELAXing makes room for our soul to explore, to rest, to just *be*.
It’s a real thing.
That soul-full life.
One that I truly hope you’ve experienced a time or two (at least!) these last several weeks.
One that I truly hope you’re able to carry forward with you into this new year.

Look at us!
We bravely determined to allow ourselves to RELAX during one of the busiest times of the year. And that’s no small thing.
But, just so we’re clear, RELAXing is no time-specific thing.
Soul-full living is for any day – every day – of the year.

I’d love it if I could pray for you just now…

Heavenly Father,
I praise You and thank You for each one of these brave, strong, hope-filled friends. I am always so amazed and astounded by Your creativity and grace when I get to spend {even virtual} time with such unrepeatable, irreplaceable miracles. To think that, as different as we each are, we are all created by You, in Your image is so humbling.
Lord, I ask that You would bless each one here, mightily and with much abundance. Help all of us to know Your presence in powerful ways that we’ve never before experienced.
And, in the midst of all the temptation to do more, go more, be more in this new year, Lord, please help each of us to remember to RELAX. To RELEASE. To EMBRACE. To LAUGH. To ADJUST. To EXHALE. Show us how You desire that to look in our everyday lives and give us the strength and courage and confidence to walk it out.
Because it is in trusting You and the way You are unfolding things in our lives that we can truly RELAX.
Thank You for Your Son and for the beauty of this season.
It’s in His name I pray. Amen.

{If you’re not the praying type, no worries. Know that I honor you in that and I’m sending you love and light.}
Here’s to 2016…and the hope for a more RELAXed soul-full life for us all.

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RELAX :: a blog series :: five

relax exhale{Every Tuesday this month, we’re meeting here to pull apart the word RELAX. To lean into it. To learn ways we can really practice it. And what better time than the hectic holidays to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it?! I’m so glad you’ve been here with me…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds, don’t you agree? Let’s look at the final letter: X}

Before we get too far into this today, let’s take a few minutes and close our eyes, RELEASE the tension in our shoulders, do a couple slow neck rolls, and take about five ease-y, deep breaths.
There.
Doesn’t that feel better?

I don’t know about you, but these days in between Christmas and New Year’s typically find me with a clenched jaw, a stiff neck, super-tight shoulders, and starve-my-brain-of-oxygen shallow breathing. (As well as tissue paper and boxes that still need putting away.)
Maybe I’m alone in this, but I think not.

Truly, that seized-up state is the one I’m in most days when I’m not tapped into RELAXation and its physiologic and spiritual value.
I mean, Life can be jaw-clenchingly stressful at times, amiright?

Okay.
Before I go getting us all stressed out about how stressed out we are, let’s look at the X in RELAX

Once we’ve settled into the practices of RELEASing, EMBRACing, LAUGHing, and ADJUSTing, we can add EXHALing to the mix.
And it really isn’t *rocket surgery* to figure out that the physical act of the EXHALE turns on the RELAXation response while turning off the stress one.
So, obviously, it’s a key part of the practice.

Think back to a few seconds ago when you took those five deep breaths – even if you managed only one, this applies…
Did you feel more RELAXed?

In my work with preschoolers a few years back, I got to attend a workshop on a multidisciplinary behavioral approach called Conscious Discipline. It’s a wonderfully effective collection of strategies. But, one of the big takeaways was this:
— Your Brain, a Shorthand Explanation —
Your brain is like a car.
You have a Driver’s Seat (your prefrontal cortex, the executive/problem-solving area).
You have a Back Seat (your limbic system, the connecting/emotional area).
You have a Trunk (your brain stem, the safety/survival area.)
And, to make a long (but very interesting) explanation short, when you breathe shallowly or hold your breath as when you do when you’re not RELAXed, you deprive your brain of oxygen, which essentially means that you end up trying to drive your car from your trunk.
You see, oxygen is the *magic gas* that helps you access and stay in your Driver’s Seat, your prefrontal cortex.
In other words, keeping your brain oxygenated puts you in a sweet place from which to make good choices, set upon solid decisions, even communicate in ways that are helpful not harmful.
Keeping your brain oxygenated by inhaling and EXHALing deep and intentionally helps you RELAX.

Do yourself a favor right now and take a few more big breaths.
As you EXHALE, this about this…

When God EXHALEd, life happened.
Genesis 2:7 tells us ‘…the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.’
I mean, seriously.
What more powerful example do any of us need to see just how important EXHALing is?

Here are some wise words I found on Pinterest: Trust the process, and the mercy in all of it. Think about how it is 100% okay to not know exactly what is to come, and trust that when things do come, whatever they are, that you will have the strength you need, that the right people will show up, the right circumstances and the right miracles will always happen right on time, just like they always have. Then, breathe deep and go out and live THIS day. THIS is the best and most important day of your life…”

When we talk about breathing, you know how it works, right?
In order to EXHALE, you first have to inhale.
So, here’s my question for you today…what is it that you are breathing in?
If you inhale frustration, you’re going to EXHALE stress.
If you inhale despair, you’re going to EXHALE anger.
If you inhale strength, you’re going to EXHALE wisdom.
If you inhale peace, you’re going to EXHALE hope.
If you inhale joy, you’re going to EXHALE strength.
And if you inhale love, you’re going to EXHALE kindness.

Simply speaking, friend, make sure you choose your ‘air.’
And remember that when you EXHALE, you put yourself in a beautiful position to RELAX.
It’s scientific and spiritual.

{a little programming note: I know I said we’d meet here for five weeks to pull apart ways to RELAX, to lean more fully into a soul-full life. Well, I lied. A little. I’m going to spill a few words here next week in order to put it all together. Join me?}

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RELAX :: a blog series :: four

relax adjust

{Every Tuesday this month, we’re meeting here to pull apart the word RELAX. To lean into it. To learn ways we can practice it in a very real way. And what better time than the hectic holidays to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it?! I’m glad you’re here…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds like you. It’s week four already…hard to believe, isn’t it?}

So.
The last three weeks have found us engaged in the practices of RELEASing, EMBRACing, and LAUGHing.
How are you doing?
Feeling more RELAXed yet?
(Is that a loaded question this week of Christmas?)

I’m going to be honest with you.
When I woke up this morning, I felt anything but RELAXed.
Some biggish things on my To Do List got carried over from yesterday. The things that were placed on today’s List are things I’d rather not do. And, to illustrate the point of just how far behind the 8-ball I am, let me confess here and now that my Christmas tree doesn’t have a single decoration on it. If it wouldn’t have come pre-lit, it would be a giant, dark, looming visual of my dismal scatteredness as the holidays approach.
I’m not a Grinch…I’m just a little out a balance.

And that’s why I’m grateful we’re here, looking at the A in RELAX.
Because, right now, I really, really need to practice ADJUSTing.
Maybe you do, too?

Let’s get at it…

After we’ve LAUGHed, we have to have the courage to ADJUST the things in our power that can be ADJUSTed.
If you’re anything like me, your first question is probably ‘Okay, but what are some of those things?’
Here’s my best multi-point answer…

We can ADJUST our suppositions.
Our expectations.
We really need to RELEASE them because, when we do, we make room for grace. For ourselves and for others.
Honestly, aside from practicing these pieces of RELAXing, practicing letting go of expectations has been one of the most liberating choices I’ve ever made.
I don’t know what that looks like for you, but you do.
Let. Them. Go.
And see if you don’t experience a new sense of RELAXation.

Next, we can ADJUST our schedules.
Make sure to leave some flexibility in your line items, because margin allows room for the unexpected.
And we all know that The Unexpected isn’t really all that unexpected after all, is it?
I mean, maybe the particulars of the wrenches that get thrown into our schedules vary wildly, but the fact that there are wrenches isn’t a big surprise, right?
Even the word margin magically breathes hope into my frazzled edges this morning.
And here’s a big paradigm-shifting bit of brilliance from Crystal Paine of MoneySavingMom.com that can become an ADJUSTment mantra: ‘Choose to do less and savor life more. Busyness does not equal Godliness.’

Here’s the next area we can ADJUST — our surroundings.
We all know that clutter breeds stress and chaos.
And those things are definitely antiRELAXing.
Think about this…what is your home’s mission?
Does its condition match that mission?
One of the best books I’ve ever read on home, decor, and ADJUSTing how I approach those things is The Nesting Place: It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Beautiful by Myquillyn Smith.

Another key thing that brings us benefits from ADJUSTing is our stance.
Our opinion.
Oh, man. I could on for days about this one.
I’m thinking that neither you nor I have time for that today.
So let me just say this…
Not everything needs to be black and white.
Gripping our assumptions and judgements so tightly that they almost choke out is pretty much the direct opposite of RELAXing.
And it’s exhausting.
How do I know this?
Let’s just say that if there was a support group for people who are too opinionated, my weary family would have dragged me, kicking and screaming, to every meeting.
I’m happy to say I’m a recovering My Opinion is the Only Opinion addict, and I’ve found that ADJUSTing all those Black and Whites has made a lot more room for grace in my life.

Finally, let’s ADJUST our sight.
Our perspective.
Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Carry On, Warrior, introduced me to a great term that has helped me ADJUST the way I see things. She reminds us to put on our perspectacles.
You know.
Those glasses that help us see the bright side of things, people, situations that might normally cause us to clench, contract, and convict.
When ADJUST our perspectacles, we see things with new eyes, in new ways, and we can RELAX.
For real and for true.
Try it.

When I look at Scripture (as I often do, to make sure that when God says He’s ‘been there, done that’, He really has, so then I can just RELAX about whatever has my undies in a bunch) I find that there is a pretty long list of those who have gone before me who’ve been called to ADJUST…Moses had to ADJUST to so. many. things. – being raised in a culture that wasn’t his own, being called by God to confront Pharaoh at age 80, leading Israel through the wilderness for 40 years. And more. Jonah was given a choice of ADJUSTing or being digested by a whale. Paul not only ADJUSTed his name. He ADJUSTed his entire way of life in order to walk in the calling placed on his life.
I don’t pretend to say that any of these Bible greats ADJUSTed so they could RELAX, just so we’re clear.
I just think it’s awesome to look back and see that the practice of ADJUSTing is as old as time.
There’s a certain comfort in that, don’t you think?

Now, back to that out-of-control list of mine…
I’m going to sit down with a fresh piece of paper and ADJUST it, keeping in mind the need to RELEASE expectations, find some margin in my schedule, tidy my desk, allow for other’s thoughts and feelings, and put on my perspectacles.
And then I’m going to RELAX.
And allow myself to have a Merry Christmas.

Friend, that’s my wish for you, too.
RELEASE, EMBRACE, LAUGH, and ADJUST so you can RELAX and enjoy these precious days with your precious people.
And we’ll meet back here next week to look at the X

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RELAX :: a blog series :: three

relax laugh

{Every Tuesday this month, we’re meeting here to pull apart the word RELAX. To lean into it. To learn ways we can practice it in a very real way. And what better time than the hectic holidays to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it?! I’m glad you’re here…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds like you. Ready for this third week? It’s a fun one. I promise.}

Let’s get really real with each other here for a minute, okay?
The first two letters of RELAX – the RELEASE and the EMBRACE – have the propensity to be pretty heavy. To feel a bit challenging. To stretch us in ways that leave us feeling a bit stiff and sore in the soul.
Or is that just me?

If it’s not just me, feeling all kinds of achy and arthritic after spending the last two weeks RELEASing and EMBRACing, and you’re ready for something a little lighter…a little more fun to lean into…you’re going to love what the L in RELAX stands for.

Once you’ve RELEASEd the things that are heavy and no longer serving you, and you’ve EMBRACEd all that’s going on around and inside of you, it’s time to LAUGH.

LAUGH at yourself.
LAUGH at whatever situation you find yourself in.
LAUGH to keep from crying on those days when that’s all that’s left.

LAUGHter.
Seems sort of easy on the face of it, right?
Or maybe a bit simplistic?
I hear you.
But, friend, this is where I want to take your face gently in my hands, get real close, and whisper that it’s often in the middle of the mess that the humor is hiding.

Get quiet for a minute.
And let that sink in..
Sit with it.
Hold hands with it like a long-lost friend, if it’s been too many days since you’ve let anything tickle your funny bone.

It’s true…
LAUGHter is a big part of RELAXing.
And it’s so worth it.
Even if we sometimes have to hunt for it.

I found myself doing some Humor Hunting of my own during the my year-long chemo regimen five years ago.
And I found it in DVR’d episodes of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
Jimmy doesn’t do it for you?
That’s okay.
There’s lots of funny television to choose from, whether you watch network, cable, satellite, or a subscription service like Netflix or Hulu.
On the computer, you can head to YouTube and Facebook. (There are lots of cats videos on both, if you’re into that sort of thing.)
On your smartphone, you can use an app like Vine.
If you’re into Real Life (*wink), try your good friends.
What’s better than LAUGHing till you cry with sweet kindreds?

Wherever you search, make sure you find a reason to LAUGH as many times a day as possible.
Because there are Actual Physical Benefits that LAUGHter brings.
Physiological aspects that make LAUGHing a huge part of RELAXing.

According to MayoClinic.com, LAUGHter’s short-term benefits include:
     +Stimulation of many organs…LAUGHing enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air; stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles; and increases the endorphins released by your brain.
     +Activation and relief of the stress response…LAUGHter fires up and then cools down your stress response and increases your heart rate and blood pressure, resulting in a good, relaxed feeling.
     +Tension soothing…When you LAUGH, your circulation is stimulated and your muscles RELAX, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

There are long-term effects of LAUGHter, too:
     +Improvement of the immune system…Positive thoughts (the kind that prompt LAUGHter) actually release neuropeptides that help you fight stress and, potentially, more serious illnesses. Unlike negative thoughts, which manifest into chemical reactions that can affect the body by bringing more stress in and decreasing immunity.
     +Pain relief…LAUGHing eases pain by causing your body to produce its own natural painkillers. It breaks the pain-spasm cycle that is common to some muscle disorders.
     +Increase in personal satisfaction…LAUGHter makes it easier to cope with difficult situations, and helps you foster connection with others.
     +Mood improvement…LAUGHing lessens depression and anxiety and makes you feel happier.

Yeah, maybe all these scientific reasons for LAUGHing don’t have you rolling on the floor, grabbing your sides, tears streaming down your face.
Me either, honestly.
But it seems that knowing all the good LAUGHter does can help us look for it when things feel heavy or dark or even hopeless.
Besides, I bet all my left-brain friends reading this just eat that stuff up, don’t you? *wink
I can sum all that science up – and even twist a phrase in the process – LAUGH. It does your body good.

One of my favorite authors, Holley Gerth, says, LAUGHter is our soul’s way of saying ‘I surrender to being human.’’ Isn’t that an awesome, lightness-of-being way to frame a good chuckle or guffaw?
I sure think so.

Last but definitely not least, I found the word LAUGH 38 times in the NIV version of the Bible.
You guys, it’s even in the book of Job a few times.
And, if you think you have a long list of good reasons not to LAUGH, I’d encourage you to compare your list with his. (**Spoiler alert: His list beats yours every time.**)

So this week, dear ones, as you continue to practice the RELEASE and EMBRACE parts of RELAXing, carve out some serious time to LAUGH.

LAUGH until your stomach hurts.
LAUGH until you pee your pants.
Then, once you’ve changed into something a little drier, see if you’re not just a little more RELAXed.

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RELAX :: a blog series :: two

relax embrace
{Every Tuesday this month, we’re meeting here to pull apart the word RELAX. To lean into it. To learn ways we can practice it in a very real way. And what better time than the hectic holidays to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it?! I’m glad you’re here…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds like you. This week, we’ll look at the EEMBRACE.}

A few hours after last week’s post published, I came across The Perfect Quote in relation to it, and decided I just HAD to share it with you before we move on to talking about the E in RELAX.

‘Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive.’ ~Bryant H McGill

Isn’t that awesome? I mean, who doesn’t want to live an abundant life?

And since we’ve spent the week practicing RELEASing and letting go, we’re all ready to receive – to EMBRACE – right? *wink

Really, though, I hope that this past week found you practicing some new level of RELEASing and a different awareness of RELAXing.

As they say, awareness is the first step toward change. So Yay You!

This week, we’re going to talk about how we can now EMBRACE the things in our lives because we’ve gotten brave and RELEASEd what was weighing us down.

Dictionary.com defines EMBRACE this way: to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug, to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly; to encircle; surround; enclose

With those ideas in mind, think about this…
How easy is it for you to EMBRACE whatever is going on around and inside of you?
To take, to clasp, to press, to hug?
To receive gladly, eagerly, willingly?

Let’s be honest.

If we’re talking about the good things – happy things like good jobs, nice belongings, cuddly babies, prayers answered in the way you’d hoped – the EMBRACing is easy.
But what about the not-so-good things?
The ones that are too hot to touch. Too sharp to clasp. Too lumpy to hug?
And the ones that rip any gladness and eagerness and willingness right out of our hearts and minds?
I know from experience that those things – those hard, pointy, bumpity things – are the very last things any one of us feels ready to EMBRACE.

Some time after I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer in 2010, I had a conversation with my pastor about EMBRACing change. It went something like this:

Me: I think it’s possible to embrace change even when it seems negative.
Him: Hmmm. I’m not sure I know what you mean.
Me: That cancer I was diagnosed with? I would have never chosen that, but when I practiced EMBRACing the change it brought – the good, the bad, and the ugly (and believe me, there was some Real Ugly up in there) – I was open to finding and seeing the proverbial Silver Lining in it.

Friends, having cancer sucked. There is no way to sugarcoat it. I wouldn’t want to even try.
But, seriously, there were so. many. gifts. hidden in the grit.
And I would have missed them if I had kept my fists clenched in the face of it.
If I wouldn’t have been open to EMBRACing all of it.

As I thought about this part of the acrostic God whispered to me – this EMBRACing – the idea of hugging came to mind. In fact, ‘hug’ comes up as one of the first synonyms when you plug EMBRACE into the search field at Thesaurus.com.

It turns out that there’s been lots and lots of research done on the positive effects of hugging. Here are just a few things I found in a quick online search:

{from PsychologyToday.com}
~~Hugging creates feelings of security, reassures us, and alleviates stress responses to the Everyday Hard that life sometimes hands us.
~~Hugging generates positive feelings like attachment, connection, trust, and intimacy. And when we experience those feelings, we tend to feel as though we are participating fully in life.
~~Hugging offers us physical health benefits, too. It lowers the heart rate and blood pressure as well as positively affecting the body’s release of cortisol, one of the stress hormones.

{from HuffingtonPost.com}
~~Hugging makes us feel good due to the release of oxytocin that occurs when we wrap our arms around someone. When oxytocin hits our systems, it promotes devotion, trust, and bonding.
~~Hugging alleviates fears, especially existential ones, by instilling in us a sense of significance.

{from StartofHappiness.com}
~~Hugging enhances our relationships by stimulating the release of serotonin and dopamine in addition to the oxytocin we’ve already talked about, and those two neurotransmitters go a long way in deepening our feelings of connection.
~~Hugging eases depression and the feeling of tiredness that plagues so many of us in this fast-paced world.

Now, go back through that list (which is by no means exhaustive) and switch out the word *hugging* with the word EMBRACing.
And then take it one step further and imagine that what is being EMBRACEd is your life.
All of it.
In all of its gory glory.

I think there’s a good chance we experience benefits similar to the hugging ones when we EMBRACE All The Things.
The beautiful and the brutal.

BibleGateway.com says that the word EMBRACE is found 17 times in Scripture.
~~Jacob and Esau, despite their rocky and conflict-filled relationship history, eventually reconcile and EMBRACE.
~~Joseph, who was betrayed and sold by his brothers, turned around and EMBRACEd those same men. (Full disclosure – the EMBRACE came after Joseph set them up, put them in prison, and sent them away…he was only human, after all!)
~~The Israelites were often found EMBRACing other gods. (That says to me that I need to check myself before I wrap my arms around just any old thing, you know?)
~~And, in Proverbs, we are instructed and encouraged again and again to EMBRACE things like Wisdom and Justice.

Judging by this short list, it seems safe to say that the Bible shows us a variety of situations and circumstances to EMBRACE in life.

This week, as we move one step closer to that more soul-full, more RELAXed life each of us yearns for, let’s bravely and boldly EMBRACE this amazing, crazy, thrilling, sometimes even snoozy ride.
And listen, if *bravely and boldly* feels a bit too much just now, do it fearfully and hesitantly.
Because, honestly, it’s a practice and any kind of progress is meaningful and significant.

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but EMBRACE it. ~Kevyn Aucoin

 

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RELAX :: a blog series :: one

 

relax release
{Every Tuesday this month, we’re meeting here to pull apart the word RELAX. To lean into it. To learn ways we can practice it in a very real way. And what better time than the hectic holidays to get some rubber-meets-the-road experience with it?! I’m glad you’re here…it’s so much better to work through things like this in the company of kindreds like you. Let’s dive right in with the RRELEASE.}

First, a few questions…
How many of us are looking at a RELAXing day today? Tomorrow? Sometime next week? Maybe next year??

Okay – let’s try this…did you have a RELAXing holiday weekend?
There’s a better chance that your answer to that might be yes, right? I mean, there was good food, good company, and, most likely, days off from work and a sweet break in the everyday routine.

How about this one – do you feel RELAXed right now?
How many times a day do you ask yourself that question?
Do you pay attention to RELAXing?
Or do you just hope and pray that someday, somehow, someway, you’ll find that magical space or place where you can truly RELAX?

What’s the point of all these questions about RELAXing? Being RELAXed?
Especially at this busy time of year?
Don’t I realize how long your list is?
How many activities you – or your kids – have on the calendar?
How many cookies you have to bake?
How many gifts you have to wrap?
The number of cards you have to address and send out?

Oh, friend. The point is, I DO know.
I know ALL about the Crazy Busy. In every single one of its different flavors.
Believe me…I know.

And here’s the thing…I’m convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that our ability to RELAX – and our learning to if that isn’t something that comes naturally to us – is key to living a soul-full life.
Isn’t that what we all want?
To live more soul-fully?

In the acrostic we’re using, the R in RELAX stands for RELEASE.
As in, RELEASE things in your life that are heavy and no longer serving you.
Things like thoughts, behaviors, people, circumstances, to name just a few.
Things that we were never meant to hold long-term.

I’m thinking that when we refuse to let go, we end up squeezing the life out the very things that God may have intended for good…for a time.

I saw Rob Bell, author and pastor, on television once talking about something called the Open Hands Exercise. He had the audience close their eyes, clench their hands into tight fists, and try to imagine accepting a gift from someone. Then he told everyone to open their eyes, open their hands, and realize that it’s only in releasing their death-grip and opening their hands that they could receive.
Simply put, we have to RELEASE before we can receive.
Before we can RELAX.

So what does RELEASE look like in everyday life?
I propose that we need to RELEASE things that cause us angst.
Things like expectations. (Even ‘reasonable’ ones tend to cause stress.)
I also believe we need to take ourselves off the hook. (And give ourselves the grace we freely offer to others.)

Another piece of RELEASing is the importance of practicing self-care.
For the record, we need to understand that self-care is NOT self-ish.
And, just so we’re clear, self-care looks different for each of us.
Friend, if self-care is a new (foreign?) concept for you, the easiest way to enter into it is to ask yourself, ‘What are things that recharge my spirit?’
Your answers may look like alone time, art, exercise, music, reading, creating, even spending time outdoors or with friends.
Another question that may help you define what self-care looks like for you is, ‘What would I do for a friend who needed a break?’ Whatever your response is to that question is precisely what you need to do for you.
Please know that even 10 minutes can make a difference.
You don’t need a whole day at a fancy fruit-in-your-water spa. (Even though that would be nice – amiright?!)

Not to sound cliche, but the familiar saying *Let go and let God* is profound and convicting when we allow it to sink into our weary, over-scheduled souls. And the saying *Let go or be dragged* may cause nervous giggling, but it, too, is a graphic reminder of the need to RELEASE so that we can find rest.

In the book Walking Into Walls, Stephen Arterburn says this about RELEASing…’For many of us who have been taught to take control, letting go is never easy. But it is one of the most powerful acts of faith. It is an open acknowledgement of our trust in God to take care of us. More than any other action, letting go and trusting God allows us to rest, be at peace, and know a life of serenity.’

Doesn’t that sound RELAXing?

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RELAX :: a blog series :: intro

 

relax 3

Can we talk for a minute?
In the middle of your turkey-and-stuffing-laden weekend?

Have you ever found your mouth saying an excited Yes before your brain kicks in with calm, cool, collected reasons to maybe take a beat before committing to something that could be a bit out of your depth?

Um.
Yeah.
Me, too.

A while back, I was invited to speak to a beautiful group of women gathered for an evening of camaraderie, connection, and cheer. And, before my brain could alert my mouth that perhaps first having some idea of what I’d share would be a good idea, my mouth – and, if I’m honest, my heart – said a loud, almost-too-eager Yes!

Fast forward a few sleepless nights.
As I fretted about the potential trouble my mouth had gotten me into again, I heard God whisper, ‘Relax.’ into the middle of my worry in the middle of the night.
And, He didn’t stop with that one simple-to-say-but-hard-to-do word, just so you know.
He gave me an acrostic to go along with it…and pretty much explained to my sleep-deprived brain that this was the topic I was going to share with those precious ladies: RELAX.

Recently, I told that story to a life coach I’ve been working with, and she said, ‘Laura. You know that when God gives you something like that, it’s not really just for you, right? It’s meant for you to share with as many others as you can.’

*gulp*

So, here I am. Sharing it on the blog.
As a 5-part series.
About RELAXing.

I know.
You may be thinking…RELAX?
During the month of December?
When lines are long, lists are longer, money is short, and tempers are shorter?
Am I crazy?
To suggest RELAXing when everything in you wants to do the opposite?

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but hang in with me.
Over the next five weeks, we’ll take the word itself apart, and maybe that will help keep us from falling apart when things around us get crazy.

Here’s the acrostic God gave me that night:

Release
Embrace
Laugh
Adjust
eXhale

And, really?
This five-part concept of RELAXing has been pretty huge for me.
I just know it can become the same for you.
You see, these words – these ideas – when we start to practice them, are five steps we can take to make our lives more soul-full.
During the holidays and beyond.

So, I hope you’ll join me here Tuesday…and the four Tuesdays after that.
Because, what better time than the start of this beautiful, potentially chaotic holiday season to explore the ways we can really, truly RELAX?

Till then, take a few minutes to breathe deep and pass the leftovers.

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Confessions of a {Virtual} Hoarder

cannot take photo

I can’t take pictures with my smart phone.

It’s too full.

My dear, sweet, just-trying-to-be-helpful family keeps telling me it’s because I’m a hoarder.
A text message hoarder.
(I try to tell myself that virtual hoarding is not as disruptive as the actual thing, but I’m not so sure.)

Today, when I had to pass up another perfect picture taking opportunity, it hit me…

This Hoarding-Messages-Till-Your-Phone’s-Too-Full Thing is like life.
When you’re holding on to Old Stuff (even good old stuff), you don’t have room for the New Stuff (the good new stuff).

Ouch.
That thing when Conviction shows up and won’t move off your chest.
When it’s hard to breathe because some truth just got real heavy.
Maybe you can relate?

The texts I’m hoarding are the ones that have positive feedback in them.
Sweet words of encouragement.
Words that fill me up.

I hoard them like I’m never going to get another kind word from anyone.
I hoard them like I need their black and white proof that I’m okay. That I’m worthwhile.
I hoard them like I think they somehow testify that I am indeed loveable. Like they’re evidence of my value.

The funny thing is – I hardly ever go back and read them.
Somehow just knowing they are there – clogging up my available storage – props me up.

Eeek.
Have I unintentionally made idols of them?
By hanging onto them?
By making them more important than The Now.
By giving them places of honor in my phone?

As I realize what I have been doing with all of those messages, I am humbled.
How am I any different from the Golden-Calf-worshipping, kept-out-of-the-Promised-Land Israelites?
I’ve vigorously guarded the overstuffed text boxes that I claim hold good words.
Do I guard so zealously the truth – the good words – of who God says I am?
I’ve clung tightly to the thoughts and opinions of my people. My very fallible, very-human people.
Do I do the same kind of clinging when My Creator speaks to me in unequivocal truth?
Gosh.
Aren’t those words, that truth – His words, His truth – more eternal? Promise-filled? Life-giving?

I’m feeling a sort of eyes-lowered, head-bowed kinship with those Israelites just about now.
And, if I’m honest, it’s pretty uncomfortable.
Thankfully, I have something they didn’t have…
The illustration – the lesson – of them and the results of their impatient, fickle disobedience.

I can learn from those desert-wandering idol-clingers.
And let go of my hoarded messages.
I can accept and understand that hanging onto them is stopping me from being able to record the pretty, the sweet, the beautiful with the camera function on my phone.
I can let go of them because I can learn and trust and integrate what God says about me.
Who He says I can be.
And who I am to Him…

…His beloved.

And, now, if you’ll excuse me…
I have some texts to delete.

{Linking up for the first time in a long time with Jennifer Dukes Lee…her words of hope, courage, and living preapproved mean the world to me. I’m sure they will to you, too.}

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Fear Makes You Flaky

There are a few things in this life that I know for sure.
The number of things I have yet to figure out far outweigh them, if I’m honest.
So, when I stumble onto something that I can put in the ‘I Know This’ column, I get pretty excited.
Don’t you?

Here’s one of those things…
(and I’m none too proud that it’s taken me this long to get clear on it)

Fear makes you flaky.

Flaky, so we’re clear, is defined this way:
~forming or tending to form flakes, or thin, crisp fragments
~tending to peel off or break easily into flakes
~tending to break apart into small, thin, flat pieces

I don’t know about you, but those very literal definitions resonate with me.

When I let fear dictate my decisions (like not attending a party because I’m sure I’ll look a fool or not going to church because the ‘Let’s take a minute and shake hands and greet one another’ time makes me certain I’ll faint or not saying hello to an acquaintance when I’m out and about because I’m sure-beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt that I’ll say something stupid), I end up in thin, crisp fragments, breaking easily, and finding myself in a pile of small, thin. flat pieces.

Admitting these specific fears always garners me quizzical raised eyebrows from most of the dear souls I get brave enough to share them with.
In response, I hear such things as. ‘But you’re so good at small talk.’ ‘You seem so confident.’ ‘I would have never guessed you were scared.’

The truth is that I suffer from bouts of profuse Flop Sweat in most social situations.
I can even fog up my glasses and feel sweat rolling down my back while on a ‘normal’, ‘simple’ phone call.
It’s the weirdest thing.
And I’m doing everything I know to do to get a handle on it.

One of those ways is to acknowledge the truth that Fear Makes You Flaky.
And who, in their right mind, wants to be flaky?

Let’s dig a little deeper for a minute…
One of the definitions of ‘flaky’ at Urbandictionary.com is this:
~An unreliable person. A procrastinator. A careless or lazy person. Dishonest and doesn’t keep to their word. They’ll tell you they’re going to do one thing, and never do it. They’ll tell you that they’ll meet you somewhere, and show up an hour late or don’t show up at all.
(Just so we’re clear, I know that Urbandictionary.com is like the Wikipedia of words…with definitions provided by regular, everyday people…)

When I look at that particular definition, I see all kinds of things I don’t want to be.
But things that I know I’ve been.
And still am, some days.
Things I want to be done being.

And then I wonder, How?
How do I stop being so worried about how I’ll come off so that I can be focused on the PEOPLE around me?
How do I stop letting the voices in my head that tell me they’re sure no one likes me to crowd out the voices of the ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS telling me their stories?
How do I stop letting fear call the shots?

I think the answers to those questions lie in Simple Things…
Get to know – really know – what God says about me.
Embrace – really embrace – who He says I am.
Rest – really rest – in His love.

For so many years, I’ve known those answers.
Known them in my head.
I’ve just had the hardest time integrating them into my life, my heart, my being.
It’s a process, though, I’m sure.
And, like all processes, there will be steps forward and steps back.
Hopefully the forward motion exceeds the backward over time.

As I’m stumbling toward practicing those answers, there are a few practical things I’ve thought of that may just help…
~Show up, no matter how much Flop Sweat is happening.
~Ask good questions, then listen. Really listen.
~Get out of my head, where the Fear lives.
~Accept that not everyone is going to like me.
~Trust the unfolding of any given situation.
~Relax about having to ‘perform.’
~Know that others may be feeling just as nervous.
~Focus attention on the people around me.

I’d like to tell you that I can instantly recall all of those things in the heat of a social situation.
And that they always make a dent in the Fear.
But I’d be lying.

I can tell you, though, that I have hope in this, despite the quaking of my knees…
As I re-record with Truth the tapes that have played loudly in my head for most of my life, I believe the fear will dissipate.

And, in time, I’ll be less flaky.

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