grateful amazement

finding wonder…everywhere.

Butterflies

on January 21, 2013


*A quick note – to serve as kind of a Memory Aid for me, later, when all of this has been relegated to the fuzzy and distant past.*

I have butterflies today.

Not the kind I’d expect. Not where I’d expect them to be. And not at all related to conscious worry. (Although, there could be a smidge of worry deep down…just sayin’.)

I’ve spent much of the day, flitting from one thing to the next, not quite able to focus or complete any task, thought, or sentence even. And it was about 2 o’clock when I think I kind of realized what was going on…

I have butterflies today.

The kind that cause your brain to flit and flutter from one thought, idea, plan to the next, not in any order, not with any sense of purpose, not landing any place for more than the tiniest of moments.

Distracted. Unfocused. Fragmented.

And I think it’s because of the CT scan that is scheduled for tomorrow. (*An abdominal scan has been added to the chest one originally ordered to check that reactive lymph node due to a pain I’ve had in my right side for the last month or so.) The Six Week Wait has actually gone by rather quickly and January 22 is about to arrive.

Tomorrow could be another Line of Demarcation. Or it could just be another day.

But not really.

Not just another day.

Because, if nothing shows up (indicating that All is Well), it can’t just be another day.

It will be a Day to Celebrate.

And if something does show up, it will be a Line of Demarcation.

But, if that happens, it will also be a day to remember the importance of hanging onto the words God whispered to me in that changing room over two years ago…They are going to find something, but you are going to be ok.

Hanging onto those words can make even a Day of Demarcation a Day to Celebrate, if you allow yourself think of it in terms of faith, hope, expectancy.

I don’t know if butterflies accomplish anything each time they land on something. I don’t know if they are really as jumpy as they appear. I don’t know if they realize how beautifully crazy they look in their flighty-ness.

Maybe, in spite of all their flitting and fluttering, they are peaceful. Doing what they do. What comes naturally to them.

In that sense, I can be peaceful today, too. Peaceful like a butterfly.

Doing what I do.

What comes naturally to me.

And, today, that looks like a whole lot of flitting and fluttering.

I’m gratefully amazed that, even in this, I can find peace.
I was walking as best I could in the light of previous revelation.   ~Neil T Anderson

Beautiful and graceful, varied and enchanting, small but approachable, butterflies lead you to the sunny side of life.  And everyone deserves a little sunshine.  ~Jeffrey Glassberg

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